My Immortal
by Silver Fists
Summary: Silver lives through the memories of her one and only tragic love as their fatherless children grow to the song "My Immortal" by Evanescence


**__**

My Immortal

I'M SO TIRED OF BEING HERE

SUPRESSED BY ALL OF MY CHILDISH FEARS

Silver sat on a worn window seat, looking down onto the busy street below. Life resumed there as always; the vendors carting their wares and the newsboys hawking the day's headlines. They all seemed part of a huge world that seemed so far away behind the window glass, like an antique display of life past in a museum. Silver looked on with neither emotion, nor obliviousness in her eyes, she was completely focused on something, but what it was, only she would ever know. For a month now she had sat like this for almost the entire day, in between the moments that she took to look on to Andrew sleeping in his crib. 

At one point in her life, she had been just like those ragged kids out on the street, part of the vast army of hungry and homeless newsies, selling newspapers, gambling and stealing food to survive on the harsh New York streets. Despite this, she had many friends and a few rather dangerous enemies. There were Bottle Cap and Gin, the two girls that were like sisters to Silver, without whom she would probably not have become the person she had by the time being a newsie became too troublesome to support her living. There were Joe and Deacon, a crazed newsie and a Harlem whore, who had vowed to bring the girl to her doom, had they had their way. There were Jack, Blink, Dollface, Racetrack, Mouth, Mush, Hades, Bumlets, Holiday, Specs, Gip, Sage, Sparrow, Dibs and many, many others, who had become one big family of older and younger brothers and sisters to Silver. And last of all, there was Cajun, the one that had brought the girl into being a newsie, had given her the full nickname of Silver Fists and cared for her as a sister and best friend, loving her more and more with every passing year. 

She could never let herself love him back, though she still did. She was afraid of Joe coming for him and hurting him, just to hit Silver where it really mattered. But Cajun was persistent, he went on with making senseless vows of love and devotion, begging the girl to give up her childish paranoia. One day she finally did...

AND IF YOU HAVE TO LEAVE

I WISH THAT YOU WOULD JUST LEAVE

BECAUSE YOUR PRESENCE STILL LINGERS HERE

AND IT WON'T LEAVE ME ALONE

At eighteen they had been happily married in a simple, quiet ceremony at a church by the lodging house on a sunny May morning. All those close to the girl had attended, and if questioned, would swear that the couple simply glowed with happiness. They had both secretly saved up for this day that thye both knew would come sooner or later, and the leftover money had been invested into a small, yet livable flat not too far away from their old home. Cajun had found a secretary job at a police station, where he spent most of his time reading about, and filing information on criminals. The rest of his time, he ran small errands, and dreamed of the near future, when he would be promoted to work as a real police officer. He knew that it was not a job his friends would approve of, and neither did he really, having all received their share of troubles during their newsie days. But he knew that job would provide enough to support his growing family, since Silver had become with a child, as well, he hoped to have a different approach to policing and diciplining the street kids. That was probably why they never promoted him, they did not want him letting any 'criminals' go because of his sympathizing with them.

Little Andrew was born on March 31, 1900 to an excited and happy couple. They knew they would do their best to raise him as a better person, who would never need to run away from home so as to survive. Cajun worked as hard as he could, both at home and at work, putting in as much effort with the baby, as did Silver, who, by August, had become pregnant once again.

This was a time for intoxicating happiness in the Senlui family. Their friend often visited them for the pick-me-up of being in the presense of this happiness and love, none of which was held back by the young couple, and even their small child. 

One day though, their friends came for a completely different purpose. Silver was already seven months pregnant and Andrew turned a year old a few days before. Cajun had left that April morning for work, as usual, but sent a quick note home saying he was needed for a special assignment and would not come home for lunch and might be late in the evening. Silver waited, sitting on the window seat, looking out onto the street, waiting for her husband to come home. That evening, Andrew looked at his mother with questioning eyes and asked 'papa?', it was as if he felt something wrong and wanted his father to come and wrap him up in a protective embrace in his strong arms. He never did. 

The next morning a few grave faces, that used to be all smiles and laughter, showed up at the door of the apartment. The entire group was all made of guys, who had all pulled their hats off in respect. They had come inside and careful lead the girl to the couch, not spilling a word. They had come to tell her that they'd found a body last night, between the lodging house and the apartment building. The victim had been beaten and viciously stabbed with a large knife. Death had come quickly to him, for the knife went straight to his heart.

Silver turned her head quickly, as if hearing familiar footsteps on the flight of stairs. She was mistaken, as always. She turned her face back to the window and gently clutched a silver cross hanging around her neck, that the guys had taken off the murdered man a month ago and brought back to her. 

THESE WOUNDS WON'T SEEM TO HEAL

THIS PAIN IS JUST TOO REAL

THERE'S JUST TOO MUCH THAT TIME CANNOT ERASE

It was not fair. After years of hiding their emotions and after all the things the two had gone through...it was just not fair. The two had been together for more than half of their lives, sharing the last crumbs of their dinners with each other and sleeping in the same bunk to keep each other warm on cold winter nights. They had fallen in love with one another, and hid this love for years, letting it ripen and mature into something that neither could ignore or hide. They had forced separation upon themselves when these feelings became too much to bear and when they did not know what they should do. They greeted eachother with open arms, when theyboth realised the truth. They had finally made their vows, and repeated them every time they looked at their child.

WHEN YOU CRIED I'D WIPE AWAY ALL OF YOUR TEARS

WHEN YOU'D SCREAM I'D FIGHT AWAY ALL OF YOUR FEARS

AND I'VE HELD YOUR HAND THROUGH ALL OF THESE YEARS

BUT YOU STILL HAVE ALL OF ME

He had promised her to protect her from any harm that could possibly come to her, since the first day they'd met. She had sworn to keep all harm stalking her, away from him. When trouble did come, they stood up bravely and faced it, fighting back with all their strength, to keep it away from one another. They had become two halves of one whole, unable to exist as whole people on their own. When they were separated, they consantly thought of the other, all of them devoted to the other and nobody else. When he was gone, a part of Silver's heart and soul went with him.

YOU USED TO CAPTIVATE ME

BY YOUR RESONATING LIGHT

BUT NOW I'M BOUND BY THE LIFE YOU LEFT BEHIND

YOUR FACE HAUNTS MY ONCE PLEASANT DREAMS

YOUR VOICE IT CHASED AWAY ALL THE SANITY IN ME

She still felt that Cajun was there, and she waited for him at the window, hoping she would see him walking down the street with a small package of food for dinner. Sometimes she did see a braod-shouldered figure walk down the street, but he would either lack the chin-length chestnut hair, or the handsome face, or he would turn into another entrance before the girl could see him better. Sometimes he would come down the street and even wave to her, but he'd always disappear among the other people walking down the street. Other times she'd hear his whisper in hear ear at night, only to wake up and find the draft rustling the curtains.

THESE WOUNDS WON'T SEEM TO HEAL

THIS PAIN IS JUST TOO REAL

THERE'S JUST TOO MUCH THAT TIME CANNOT ERASE

She still spoke to her friends and quite often. During the day, she would receive them in the apartment, cooking lunch for them out of the food they brought her, and listened to the stories of their current lives. She gave her opinions on who should work where and suggestions on how a couple should go about finding a new home and so on. On the outside it was as if she had put the grief behind her and now lived to help her friends using the knowledge of her own experiences. She sometimes even joked about mortal enemies and their danger, because she was sure she knew who had committed the crime.

Erin was born on May 5, 1901, twenty-two days before the second anniversary of Silver's and Cajun's marriage. The little girl had the same hair as her father and large dark aqua eyes with brown rims that spoke volumes. Unlike her brother, who had an equal amount of his parents' features, Erin was almost an exact copy of her father, much to her mother's happiness. At least Cajun was not gone forever. The little girl seemed to have a part of her father's soul that was left on earth to watch over Silver and bring her the strength she would need to support the two children, and eventually, to avenge his death.

WHEN YOU CRIED I'D WIPE AWAY ALL OF YOUR TEARS

WHEN YOU'D SCREAM I'D FIGHT AWAY ALL OF YOUR FEARS

AND I'VE HELD YOUR HAND THROUGH ALL OF THESE YEARS

BUT YOU STILL HAVE ALL OF ME

Slowly, Silver regained her spark of life, watching her children. They had become her life now, and though she gave her last crumbs to them, she was the happiest mother ever, given the circumstances. She prayed for Cajun's and her children's souls every night, after putting them to bed and making sure they fell asleep. She would often go over to the window seat and sit down in the moonlight and watch, most of the time staring blankly out into the night and falling asleep to see memories of her lover play ovr in her head as vivid as if they were real. These dreams were always different, but the one that would repeat itself was of her finding him that fateful night and holding him in his last minutes on Earth, and then watching both of their souls escape free into the sky, their love making them glow like a swarm of flireflies.

He was gone, Silver, Andrew and Erin were left behind, with all their former newsie friends as aunts and uncles, brothers and sisters. With their help, Silver found a a decent job and carried on, and with their help, brought her children up. The day for revenge would come. The day that the children grew old enough to start their own families would come soon after. The day that Silver would be called upon to be joined with her husband would follow after.

I'VE TRIED SO HARD TO TELL MYSELF THAT YOU'RE GONE AND THOUGH YOU'RE STILL WITH ME

I'VE BEEN ALONE ALL ALONG


End file.
